A Million Tears

Normally I would write about something HR related but I can’t. I don’t have anything to say that at this point has not been already said. As a person with the great capacity to love on people, I find myself unable to comfort the fears of my friends, family, and neighbors during this time and it is in my nature to try and fix things.

This is a scary time. All of us are on edge. In the past few weeks, I have seen the good that can come from a tragedy such as this. However, it doesn’t mend the mind when you stop to take a well-deserved rest. It’s in that moment when you finally take the time for yourself that you start to think. You start going down that rabbit hole like Alice, but when you hit bottom there is no bottle to drink, no morsel to eat. All that is left is the fear.

That is when the tears come. I have never been afraid of crying as I feel it is a great release of stress and anxiety. So I encourage you to cry, scream, and hug yourself. Consider it mental health. My favorite place to cry is the shower. The hot water warms me to the bone and the water coming down on my face washes away the saltiness of my tears. The heat of the shower on my head lulls me into a state where if I am fast enough, I can fall asleep still warm in my core.

Rest, Sleep. These are also things we need. I am just as guilty as many of you working from home. That computer is so close, maybe, just one more email, one more report. No. Stop. Give yourself work hours. This is a very trying time and any sense of normal is better for you. Wake up in the morning and put your work clothes on. Take breaks, take a lunch time, and get some fresh air. End your day at the same time every day and if you can, cover up that laptop.

Have dinner with your family. If you are single, like I am, text or call a friend. Watch a TV show, read a book, color, paint, or just rest. Take off your work clothes and put on your workout gear. Go for a walk, exercise on your deck or in the yard. Go up and down the stairs a few times to get your heart rate up. Then, clean yourself up and put on those Jammies. This is your time.

Again, those tears may come. You have been watching the news everyday and hearing the same horrible news. Overload. That’s where I am now. Instead of the news, I now put in my favorite movie and do my dishes.

I speak to my friends and they are stressed too. More tears. Friends with children at home from school. They are trying to balance working at home and being a teacher. Some are not working, no paycheck, no money. Donate to a food bank if you can. Put food on your local Buy Nothing page. Offer what you can to others in a safe way, a safe distance. I won’t use the statement that keeps us a certain distance apart because I am overwhelmed with it. It’s the only thing you hear each day.

I write to you not just to remind you to take care of yourselves. I write today because this is me, taking care of me. Writing makes me happy and helping people does too.

I’m sending you all the love and light in my heart. Be safe, stay home, and we will get through this together.

Why I Don’t Burn Bridges

There have been plenty of reasons for me to totally bad-mouth a manager or organization publicly in my career. I have had managers that have completely lied to me about my career growth. I have had executives flat out ask me to perform illegal activities. I have also had an owner of a company make sexual advances toward me. Thank goodness nothing happened.

Human Resources is a small community. A lot of us know each other and we use each other as sound boards. Sometimes we use each other as therapists. We are the only type of people we can trust. Even then, there are a few bad apples in the HR world. Not many though.

The Reasons I Keep My Mouth Shut

In times of financial crisis, human resources is usually on the chopping block by companies that want to save money during a recession or downturn in the economy. I don’t recommend this because you always have employees and you need someone to guide them. However, when looking for a new job, us HR folks need to use our past employers as references and we don’t want anything and or anyone to jeopardize our future employment.

I have “used” one employer several times due to the industry this company was in. It was and is very helpful in my employment searches even though the CEO lied to me about my future with them and the role I would play. I even found out that the person that replaced me was giving out blatantly false and slanderous references about me. This person is retired now and the CEO has since given me his personal cell number for references going forward. He was a jerk to me and now is one of my biggest cheerleaders.

Try Not to Take it Personal

I know this sounds completely ridiculous and very difficult to pull off but once you have gotten over the “pissed as hell” phase of your separation, use this resource to your advantage. Don’t blast your disdain for the manager on social media, don’t trash talk the organization, and don’t put anything out there that would cause them to sue you. Once you get over the fact that you are not with that company anymore and you see how much happier you are, you will be able to turn that employer into a great resource for your next adventure.

It happens to all of us at least once in our lifetime. Whether or not we were in a bad mental space at the time or it came out of the blue, we have all been terminated. Be the adult. Don’t have an outward temper tantrum. Take the opportunity to try something new or work on a project you didn’t have time for. Visit family out of state. Visit family in state. Take the time to enjoy the town you live in and see something or do something that you always wanted to.

Pivot and Shift

This is one of my closest friends favorite sayings. When you pivot and shift your thinking, you change your attitude and make room for something new in your life. When you dwell on the past and the negative, you never really move through it or move forward. The shift in your behavior and emotions will put you in a new head space. One that will open your eyes to new opportunities. One that will clear the bad clutter and let you come out on top.

Use Your Best Cheerleaders

If you have a go to friend or mentor that helps get you through the tough times. Got to them. Tell them you need help. Tell them you will be there for them when they need it but right now you are suffering and need the boost of confidence only they can give you. They are your unconditional friend. They know you are talented, smart, capable, and worthy of greatness. Let them in and forget the past.