Why I Don’t Burn Bridges

There have been plenty of reasons for me to totally bad-mouth a manager or organization publicly in my career. I have had managers that have completely lied to me about my career growth. I have had executives flat out ask me to perform illegal activities. I have also had an owner of a company make sexual advances toward me. Thank goodness nothing happened.

Human Resources is a small community. A lot of us know each other and we use each other as sound boards. Sometimes we use each other as therapists. We are the only type of people we can trust. Even then, there are a few bad apples in the HR world. Not many though.

The Reasons I Keep My Mouth Shut

In times of financial crisis, human resources is usually on the chopping block by companies that want to save money during a recession or downturn in the economy. I don’t recommend this because you always have employees and you need someone to guide them. However, when looking for a new job, us HR folks need to use our past employers as references and we don’t want anything and or anyone to jeopardize our future employment.

I have “used” one employer several times due to the industry this company was in. It was and is very helpful in my employment searches even though the CEO lied to me about my future with them and the role I would play. I even found out that the person that replaced me was giving out blatantly false and slanderous references about me. This person is retired now and the CEO has since given me his personal cell number for references going forward. He was a jerk to me and now is one of my biggest cheerleaders.

Try Not to Take it Personal

I know this sounds completely ridiculous and very difficult to pull off but once you have gotten over the “pissed as hell” phase of your separation, use this resource to your advantage. Don’t blast your disdain for the manager on social media, don’t trash talk the organization, and don’t put anything out there that would cause them to sue you. Once you get over the fact that you are not with that company anymore and you see how much happier you are, you will be able to turn that employer into a great resource for your next adventure.

It happens to all of us at least once in our lifetime. Whether or not we were in a bad mental space at the time or it came out of the blue, we have all been terminated. Be the adult. Don’t have an outward temper tantrum. Take the opportunity to try something new or work on a project you didn’t have time for. Visit family out of state. Visit family in state. Take the time to enjoy the town you live in and see something or do something that you always wanted to.

Pivot and Shift

This is one of my closest friends favorite sayings. When you pivot and shift your thinking, you change your attitude and make room for something new in your life. When you dwell on the past and the negative, you never really move through it or move forward. The shift in your behavior and emotions will put you in a new head space. One that will open your eyes to new opportunities. One that will clear the bad clutter and let you come out on top.

Use Your Best Cheerleaders

If you have a go to friend or mentor that helps get you through the tough times. Got to them. Tell them you need help. Tell them you will be there for them when they need it but right now you are suffering and need the boost of confidence only they can give you. They are your unconditional friend. They know you are talented, smart, capable, and worthy of greatness. Let them in and forget the past.